A meaningful blessing- journey of choosing a forever person for an modern girl rooted in traditional values
… the world is full of beautiful people; each having their own set of uniqueness and are fine, worthy and wondrous in their own ways… and, every individual destiny lets us collide with has something incredible to say in the dialogue of our lives… but with not many our bond keeps strengthening over time…and, eventually a realization comes from within that we have finally got someone really special as we find ourselves deeply connected to them through an invisible thread…
Maithli (name changed),a girl with a modern mindset but rooted in traditional values, had to go through the ups and downs in her quest for her imperfectly perfect partner before her heart could call someone the right one. Like any other girl her age, Maithli too had set certain criteria when it comes to choosing the person she wants to share her life with. Being born to broad yet simple and traditional minded parents, she never dared to cross her limits in any of her activities because of her controlled grooming. She has been taught to differentiate the wrong from the right. She has been given wings to fly and follow her dreams at one end, and on the other hand made understand the limitations she has to abide by. She has been made aware about the concept of “right time” in every activity she has been involved in from the beginning. The “right time” concept helped Maithli in directing her attention on appropriate things at their respective times. Soon the little girl when started reaching closer to end of her formal education, like any Indian parents, she started getting pressure to think about moving to the next stage of life, that is the married life. Being a person rooted in traditional values, she wanted to share her life with a person her parents would choose. However, being a highly sensitive individual she longed for another person who chooses to love her and stay with her for her inner beauty and enlighten her tranquilness with his loving care, faithfulness and goodness.
She began with the typical arranged marriage system of choosing an ideal match for her. Therefore, creating profiles in online and offline matrimonial sites was considered to be the suited route. As she began travelling her journey, she learnt about different personalities, and mentalities of different people. Initially being an inexperienced personality with simple and traditional personality, she used to be a kind of girl who would be completely trusting and would want to devoting herself completely to the service of her husband sacrificing own needs. However, due to her over simplistic nature, her heart broke multiple times due to trusting without any question. Thus, this nature brought her pain as she began understanding that the world does not operates as she thinks. Maithili gradually started learning that we live in a society which teaches to chase the shiniest things, for filling our lives with external beauty for pleasing sake, rather than on holding meaningful and purposeful conversations about suitable things. Over materialism rule people’s lives to an extent that majority has stopped making an allowance for getting deeper mentally, emotionally and spiritually with another person. Meanwhile, she found that majority of the youths of hers or nearby ages shows reluctance into getting deeper in bonding and prefers staying superficial. Maithli, being a deep thinker and a sensitive person, found awfully thorny to engage with someone based on superficialities like, physical attraction without building a deep rooted connection mentally, emotionally and spiritually. Seeing the spoilt world around, and after getting her heart broken numerous times, the girl who used to easily trust strangers wholeheartedly developed trust issues for almost every individual crossing her way.
Though she was living wearing a broad smile on her face but deep within loneliness was hovering in her heart awaiting the arrival of the love of her life. The dark clouds her past issues gave her, made her guarded and not letting anyone to take a place in her life easily. Though on her face she portrayed herself as strong, but deep within waited eagerly for arrival of her love. Despite of all odds, she somewhere had a conviction that her name is together written with her love in the stars and silently began joining the dots in the sky wondering when their stars will align. During this period, due to insistence by a trusted acquaintance of Maithli, she created an account on a serious dating application designed for matured audience. The account was created without any hope. After a week of surfing the matches she came across, she did not like any, because some showed extreme interest in being with her right at the first conversation based on her looks and professional credentials. Meanwhile, some showed interest on flattering her with cheesy lines based on her outlook. The situation of “easy come, and easy go” scared her. Therefore, she stopped using the application for a short duration. Abruptly after few weeks, she hits like on a guy’s profile based on his profile summary somewhere signalling her, ‘he may be what she has been searching for’. Soon, she receives a “hi” from the other end after acceptance of the request.
Surprisingly, keeping her guard she started interacting with her match presuming him to turn out to be another fake personality crossing her way. However, to her surprise, Maithli started discovering a male version of her in him within few conversations. She found that though they belong to completely different backgrounds, but have lot in common to share and their talks soon started turning endless. They started holding conversations about multiple facets of life and felt that there is a much deeper connection at mental and spiritual levels. To her utter surprise, without her will and unconsciously she started opening up with her feelings infront of him. Infact both of them started feeling as if they know each other since ages and gradually both realized that they have started liking each other and genuinely enjoy each other’s company. Meanwhile, he proposes her for spending a lifetime with him? Despite of her newly booming liking for him, she continued questioning his feelings for her assuming that is he for long run? This time she wanted to be extremely careful of not becoming a victim of heartbreak. Though she questioned his words and commitment, but could not afford to keep herself away from his loving care, simplicity, and innocence. Deep within, she started realizing that maybe she always had dream about a guy like the current guy, but she kept questioning is he genuine?
Therefore, it took his calmness, understanding of her feelings, maturity, and commitment towards her to stick beside her despite of all the arguments and fights she initiated by doubting his intentions. However, the more she fought, the more she found him understanding and matured enough to deal with her mental unrest rooted deep in her past issues. She kept questioning him that why he still loved her when she gives him such hard times. However, every time his answer continued to be “girl I have fallen in love seeing your simplicity and down to earth nature, I can see your goodness beneath your rudeness, I may not empathize with you, but can choose to stand beside you for this lifetime, please stay close to me, I am sure with time you will get more comfortable, please tell me what all do I owe you?”.
Listening to his calm and understanding words, she said, “in addition to different kinds of responsibilities, you owe me nights under sky filled up with moonlight and sparkling stars, cuddles while sitting beside campfires, allowing me to share all your difficulties, and challenges along with your smiles, long road trips to unknown lonely destinations, have meaningful deep conversations about life and all real things, listening to my bad days and never ever giving up on me.” He was surprised hearing her answer and called her wish list to be utterly simple that anyone could offer, to which she replied that intelligent minds could be found abundantly, but not everyone has a rich and innocent heart to gift these expensive, real and vulnerable moments and could surrender completely themselves to their love with utmost trust and faithfulness.
Eventually she started understanding and trusting him, his words and his actions. She started feeling lucky deep within to having found her male version in him by finding a similar soul. They found that their thoughts align because of their similar mindset, they spoke similar language and this was justified with the silent understanding they shared. They found utmost comfort in each other due to their matching mental wavelength, coupled with the warmth they share and the way they push & contribute in each other’s growth is sufficient proof to make them realize that now they are having someone really special in their lives. Therefore, after one year of regular conversations, calls and whole night video calls, they felt that they found not just love of their lives but also their best friend in each other.
Maithli thanks him enough today for coming as a blessing to her life with a kind of love she had dream about. He came to her life when she was in pieces, mentally disturbed and emotionally drained, and now with his love and commitment helping her to heal her past wounds. She learnt in his presence that utmost faith could do many wonders. The love of her life taught Maithli to give to herself first and the world can adjust accordingly, to stop investing too much of her mind into things which are not very essential, for making the present better rather than hovering too much in the past or worrying so much about future unnecessarily which creates stress and tensions in life. He saw and valued her for what she is perhaps with an open mind. She learnt that love is more about trusting, respecting, friendship, free communication, understanding the other person’s struggles, conflicts, difficulties and problems. Though sometimes it becomes a pothole of misunderstandings, silent treatments, jealousy but forgiveness at the end and crumbles in the cold when there’s wind of uncertainty and alters with inner conflicts. However, when it is true it adds so much to life that forever seems endless and one has no options other than strongly wanting to stay and never ever giving up on the source of happiness and peace. They both started to rigidly hold a seat in each other’s mind and craving each other’s presence in every possible ways. The girl who had somewhere forgotten to be innocent and built strong walls around her heart slowly began to confide in his love completely, by relying and depending on him as she was finally able to share each and every bit of her emotions without any kind of filters. Therefore, parts within her which were once suppressed got new life in her love’s presence. They both deeply feel like having two bodies but sharing one soul, and getting a green signal from their inner voice decided to spend their lives together.
Attending marriages and seeing others going through the amalgamation process, her parents who are growing old often asks her when will our dream of seeing our daughter getting married come true. In addition to her parents, she is often targeted by many who hold interest in her relationship status. After seeing different shades of life, Maithli hopes to get married some pretty day but not because it is a community project, but because she really wants to get married only to the person her heart has chosen. Since it’s “her marriage”, not an occasion to feed the society. She and her partner have to live their lives together post marriage happily, and society will be nowhere then. Now, she lives amongst two generation and has seen different kinds of marriages happening- arranged, love, interstate, inter religion, and inter nation, inter-caste, intercommunity. She sees the previous generation seeing marriage as mostly male dominant, too much of sacrifices and just extending generation. Meanwhile, the generation she belongs to sees it as sharing happiness, peace, comfort, true love, friendship, mutual respect, understanding and most importantly companionship, not just becoming husband and wife. In short, the current generation seeks a best friend for life. The current generation is ambitious, more matured, sets goals for them, and even as a couple, has a broader outlook, so they are no longer under the mindset of one party dominating over the other. It’s all about committing wholly, complementing each other and working as a team being one. They communicate clearly, create understanding and adjust among themselves to run their relationship. It’s more about creating synergy by two souls coming together. It’s no more confined to only creating babies out of marriage, but it’s all about living life happily, comfortably and both partners putting their bestest efforts to smoothly running the relationship. And, all these don’t need caste, community, state or nation alignment, but purity of thoughts and respect of emotions and feelings for each other.
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